I wish there was an iPhone app to help you with your shitty personality.
My grandpa is giving me detailed instructions on how to fight a second floor bedroom fire from a ladder on the out side. Just in case
Ripped lines in the bathroom before my presentation.. Got bonus marks for my enthusiasm.. This is why I love drugs
Teflon bitches. Nothing fucking sticks to this kid, not even a kid. Maury Povitched this shit outta that situation.
It was a perpetual wrestle for who got to be on bottom. Laziest hookup ever.
Just had a shirt made that says "I'm sorry" going to wear it every sat and sun morning for the foreseeable future
It's like someone is grabbing my scrodum with pliers and just hanging there.
In this town being related to a brewing family or the owner of a sports team is like being royalty. It's like hooking up with the queen's nephew or something.
cant tell, his cock is acting like one of those inflatable arm waving things outside the market
Welcome to drink and talk like a Russian afternoon.
Pirate drinking day will be planned for shortly
I approve this so hard.
Wait, just ask him if can you can join in. You haven't lived until you've taken part in a threesome with your father...or so I've heard
I consider any night I don't make out with someone a bad night. So I've been great.
All I've done for this 11 hour car ride is kegel and listen to our sex playlist so your dick better be good and ready
ED guy's penis finally worked last night. It was a Festivus miracle!
I fucked her with a giant balloon tied to my dick. You tell ME how my night went
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