Yeah, where have you been?
Clearly not facebooking enough. Sweet jesus.
He belongs with you like a mcdonalds playground belongs in Chernobyl
halloween costumes for girls are easy, slutty teacher, slutty cop, slutty nurse, etc...
exactly, that's why i want something interesting
slutty neuroscientist?
We just had the worst moment of our late twenties.... We just realized we are too old for the real world
I'm sick of being broke. I had vicodin and frosting for lunch.
Well, that's a 3 inch weight lifted off of my vagina
Hey everyone. This evenings celebration will commence with a cocktail hour at genghis at 830 to be followed with an upscale dining experience at taco bell at 10. All are welcome. This is not a joke. Thank you
It made me think of you cause he just screamed "CAPTAIN PLANET" a lot and kicked people in the balls.
How did you get a free t-shirt at the strip club?
I was attacked by whores
You threw up on yourself again didn't you?
They were strong whores
This vodka tastes like I'm not going to class tomorrow.
A man just squeezed past me in a tight space and said, "Excuse us."
Just woke up with an entire pack of Oreos in my cheetah onesie. I've been waiting for this moment forever.
I can now recognize that when my wine bottle reaches a certain point, I probably shouldn't tweet, text or call anyone. RESPONSIBILITY
It's a shame things ended how they did. We were well on our way to transforming from acquaintances with benefits to friends with benefits.
I realized today that the only things I'm guaranteed to have with me at all times are lipgloss, condoms and a USB drive. hmmm...
Randomize
