An ex-gang member just asked me out on a date via note. And spelled dinner wrong. Win?
It was like my butthole was peeing. Felt comforting yet not fulfilling.
man i wonder what i would be like if i had never started smoking weed
The way I see it, if i don't fail the midterm and blow off some of the projects, how else am I going to get motivated to study for the final ?
Medicore although I woke up with the business card of a Turkish lawyer called Mufasa...
He said he loved me so I pretended not to hear it because I don't think "I love your penis" was the response he was looking for.
"too many" and "free shots" never belong in the same sentence
we made it to hole 3 and then just sat down on the fairway and finished off our case....cheered on other golfers as we let them play through.
She won't let me open the car door while we are on the highway so I can throw up outside. She deserves to have her car thrown up in.
I'm sorry, when did "I like your shit" become an acceptable pickup line?
Only I could get hit on by homophobic straight guys in a drag bar.
reason #326 why I'm still single.... my date just told me there's a little boy ghost that lives in his closet because he likes his music.
HAVE BEEN SPEAKING IN RUSSIAN ACCENT FOR 5 HOURS
SHIRT GONE
I woke up next to my bosses toilet.i wish you had just left me in the neighbors yard.
Only I could dislocate my ribcage coaching volleyball and still want to get drunk tonight.
Randomize
