if i wake u up at 5am tmrw by coming into ur room wearing nothing but my indiana jones hat and purple socks while singing 'courtesy of the red white + blue' will u be pleased or annoyed
keep in mind this isn't open to negotiation, i'm just trying to gauge ur reaction
I'm so high I just tried to eat a hair tie thinking it was one of my pretzels.
the paramedic just looked at me like "you again?"
the intervention consisted of my aunt taking me to chuck-e-cheezs and telling me that this was my future - either as a mom or as a waitress - unless i stopped fucking around.
did she buy you pizza?
I may be in the process of acquiring a second male fuck buddy and dating a girl....FUCKING STOP THE TRAIN I'M ON! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!!
Eric and I just went in the hallway to practice our new handshake in a real life situation at live speeds. That high.
In that case, if you come anywhere near my house you can expect to be chased down various streets by a half naked me wielding a baseball bat. No, I am not giving you my address.
Why so serious bruh
You walked in wearing nothing but a beekeeper mask
do you think the dildo I'm bringing through airport security is considered a weapon?
"Let's do body shots off the freshmen" is officially the worst thing I've ever said.
No. I'm sorry but once your "would go gay for" list exceeds five people, you're bi. Get over it.
I'm just so full of love and alcohol
You yell at me for being attracted to older guys and you're over here condoning murder
Do you know how difficult it is to masturbate with Christmas carols stuck in your head?!
If it's any consolation she turned out to be has a collection of clown dolls she talks to crazy. And the cops knew why I was calling when she key locked the door from inside.
Randomize
