There's a 34yo winking at me. Why do i find this weird when my bf is a 38yo married man?
just walked by a lingerie store, the sign out front, "Specials for Father's Day", in no way is that just not wrong.
this party is like a fast-foward into the future when im 40 and married with children
i took an adderall last night to write a paper. i ended up watching 7 hours of roseanne and couldn't look away
I need to write the inventor of adderall a thank you note stapled to a copy of my degree
So you plan on doing double washing machine sex? Like. A double date. But with sex. On a washing machine..?
Is it hot in here? Is the room moving? Its moving. The room is moving. Its spinning like a top. Have you ever been covered in puke? What are you doing?
I'm hurting so bad I actially had to wait for my mini wheats to get soggy before I could eat them..
So...guess who had sex tied to the ladder of a caboose under the stars in Joshua Tree? This bitch
i had an epiphany while laying on the driveway for 5 hours yesterday.
i realized i waste a lot of time
The last thing I remember about last night was guzzling white zinfandel out of the box and eating cheese. And I was thinking OH YOU FANCY HUHHH
Whoever decided to put a Denny's that close to the strip club is a genius.
FUCK and YOU. times 10. To infinity and beyond. You bastard. Worst. Cockblock. Ever. I'm going to nail your sister.
It's a lot harder to work after sex than it is to work drunk... just saying.
who gets drunk at chipotle by noon and then gets kicked out? this chick.
Randomize
