Can't imagine what could be worse than pet-naming your penis, but I'll let it go.
She made a guy cry in the bar. I will have her, oh yes, I will have her..
dude i just figured out that the tostitos sign is two people eating chips and salsa. being high totally pays off sometimes
Two girls are doing the worm relatively well on the bar floor after the fact I just saw one puke in the trash
Puking green right now......... jaimison mcflurry very bad idea
help me choose which girl to send myself boning to my girlfriend to make her want to break up
which one looks the most like her?
I'm pretty sure my moms getting nailed in the bathroom right now while I'm chaperoning. God damn it.
I'm hungover as hell. I'm dying. I have no skin left on my knees
Found a grenade pin. Still no Dave.
People around me are just doing lines of cocaine. Like its no big deal. And I'm just here like.... Y'all want some cheezits?
The cops wrote boobs in the police report. ...vandalism is our calling
That was right around the time that the drunken mess pulled out his dick in front of myself and like 10 other people and started peeing all over the train platform while saying, "Sometimes a bear gets you brother. Sometimes a bear gets you."
Pretty standard Thursday night commute for you, no?
Tell me why i have 60 matches in 72 hours on tinder. Can i sell my tinder account like people used to sell their myspace pages and tumblrs when they had a lot of followers? Is that a thing?
All I recall is being at the strip club doing dark rum shots and then puking a question mark on the wall above the garbage can in the men's room and having diarrhea in the sink. 6th drunkest I've ever been without blacking out.
The dogs decided to play a new game called "Who Can Scream the Loudest?"
I won.
Randomize
