forget your mom, you can see her anytime. A one night stand only happens ONE night.
last night i used 411 to try and contact britney spears.
dollar well spent
you know you've been in a long relationship when u start retiring sex toys
and that's how I found out my dad doesn't believe in towels... holiday magic.
My mom wanted me and my brother to have some bonding time before I left for school. Our bonding time consisted of us smokin a few bowls then goin to Red Robin to cure the munchies. Ooo how I love family time :)
I don't want to get into details but it feels like there was a bear mauling involved. A very good bear mauling.
that's the best thing i've ever said to a penis
i may or may not be making depth charges with cough syrup. i'll call you if i survive.
Ran out of deodorant. Febreze on a paper towel? Kicking college's ass.
Didn't have the heart to tell him that while he was eating my ass I was laughing, not moaning, into the pillow
Mom and I shoplifted today. Her idea.
Retirement sounds fun.
Also food confession I ate an entire bag of starburst jelly beans today. and a plan B. All around think I hit all my nutrients
One minute I'm going home the next I'm getting railed on the back 9.
Why do I always have at least 8 men with whom I am conducting some sort of poorly planned love experiment?
I swear to god, I'm like....the Jedi master of dick.
Randomize
