Totally saw a hot amputee. I think this is called character growth.
You were so hammed, you asked your buddy in Economics to plot a demand curve for Parmesan Cheese.
Just deleted any ex boyfriends and potential lovers from my phone in preparation for Vegas...
at last call she tried to get the bartender to fill her flask. when he refused, i had to stop her from trying to pour the rest of her beer in there.
On an unrelated note: I'm also a big advocate of the "never waste a boner" theory.
After we were finished she said "That was like marriage sex". Should I take that as a compliment or insult?
I just had a contest with the toilet to see who could hold their breath longest.
I won
This little shit keeps eating the playdoh so i replaced the green with wasabi from work. Wonder what his parents are gonna think when he burns his soft palette?
I have a hunch Mama J got around.
Am I allowed to say that about my own mom?
they set my background as his mugshot to remind me "having a big penis won't be a valid excuse in a court room."
I'm tempted to randomly yell out 'SO HOW IS YOUR UNDERAGE GIRLFRIEND' but that would be callous
Is it weird that I only look up my ex on Twitter when I take a shit? May have conditioned myself to associate him with shit
I slapped a guy during sex last night because he moaned the wrong name. Then I remembered I gave him a fake name. Sorry bro.
How drunk is too drunk to be on an airplane?
Here's a tip: do NOT chant "MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS." during sex because the Packers won against the Giants.
Randomize
