I think I speak chipmunk. Odd.
Are you high?
No. That's why it's odd
Pls don't use the words alligator, purple, and sperm in the same sentence ever again.
she refuses to pay for the plan b and so do i. it's the most dangerous game of chicken i've ever been involved in. but i have my pride.
You got kicked out of the strip club for spilling a tall boy on the stage and when the bouncers came to take you out you told them that they should probably go clean up your pee in the back corner cause they didn't seem to notice that
It's only 4 pm and I'm already way past my preferred quota of "could have died" moments
I woke up with $100 in my pocket and I was so excited until I found an atm receipt for a $500 withdrawal. Not as exciting.
Did you really end last night's sexting with "Stay thirsty my friend"?
hungover at the ER to get half my contact removed from behind my eye. Not the start to the weekend I was hopin for
Every man needs a table where they can sit and reflect on the successful penile conquests of the day.
I mean I love some drunk compliments, but he just wasn't up to my low standards.
Because nothing screams stable like yelling at a guy in a bar because last time you hooked up he stole your underwear.
First day back to class and I have already pulled out the hard liquor
Haha. I have resting bitch face. He has I want y'all to die face. It's a subtle difference
I just met him at a place called the meat farm, Jesus be a shield.
They told him he could only pay in monopoly money and he pulls out a wad of it from his pocket... i think im in love
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