I think the universe is against us being together. Or maybe it's just god's way of telling me there is a bigger dick out there for me.
alright she left, finally time to fart up the room
just put a funnel in my mouth and pour the tequila in with a little emergen-c
I drank almost a whole fifth last night. Woke up with blood everywhere wearing a "stereotype this" tshirt. How fitting
it was like a zeppelin in a condom
I just sat through a State Farm mortgage Insurance commercial to watch a Trick Daddy video. Is this the target audience they are going for here?
I need a leash, or some shame. Maybe.
Ps this homeless dude just came in hotel bar w a sword sticking out his jumpsuit trying to buy a drink w a 3rd party check
wait can you just like go into detail with this penis touching thing? like was it a hand job or was it like a day at the petting zoo or something
What should I say back?
Well, how do you want the conversation to go?
Straight into my pants.
Talking to her is like watching "Bad Life Choices: The Movie"
Also mom is not happy about me telling her how much i want the women sprinters on the Olympics to beat me up
never let me tell the bartender to cut me off, i basically told on myself
Taking a shot every time the Russian in COD says vodka... BEST drinking game ever.
Just made a secret hand shake with my sisters cat. Boredom at its finest.
Randomize
