I have before 2 am pics and after 2am pics, which do you want to see first?
I finally beat you i just fucked my professor last night!!!\n\n
sry, psychiatrist trumps professor
It's always a surprise to see what songs I shazamed and downloaded last night while we were drunk at the bar.
seriously who else gets carried home puking from a fucking mary kay party?
Why do they give me cups on $8 pitcher night? I HAVE A PITCHER.
we all took turns holding you up and pretending that you were simba and that we were presenting you to the jungle
I have a broken liver
I see that the whole "let's take a break from drinking" has worked out really well for us.
She kept throwing quarters at him and yelling "Goooaaallll!!" whilst taking her clothes off one by one. I'd say she had a good night
You know you have done too many drugs when you gum the sugar off your margarita without even thinking twice
Please tell me that all of the things I remember doing last night didn't really happen. Please.
You couldn't even walk but you came into the kitchen with the funnel and begged me to put beer in it
I literally have anal toys soaking in the bathroom sink and dinner on the stove. If that doesn't scream "domestic goddess", I don't know what the fuck does.
I have wine with a bendy straw bitches I can do fucking anything
You know you're more responsible when you turn down your bed and make a clear path to it before you go out..
I've been drunk texting you for weeks, and you watched me puke outside your house... I say it's time we meet in person.
Randomize
