He told me he had never done that before...I responded with "clearly"
she acted like she'd never seen someone do speed off of a desk with a rolled up receipt. and she calls herself a grad student.
You ad-libbed two DETAILED rounds of price is right, 1 wheel of fortune, and 1 deal or no deal.... by yourself with sound effects and music included
We could be hammered at a childrens film. You failed me
there's nothing weirder than waking up to your mom eating breakfast on the couch that you fucked her coworker on last night.
Well, that now makes it the 4th girlfriend in a row to cheat on me. I don't even care anymore...I'll date a prostitute and not even worry.
guys with girlfriends don't have a leg to stand on when they get mad at you for fucking other guys
My legs feel like baby dolphins
He made me watch a sex tape him and his gf made. They were in the shower when her roommate walked in on them. Not kidding: she asked to join in.
I hate him. He gets laid, my dick gets laughed at.
My vagina needs a break, I had to ice it with a beer bottle last night.
He suffocated between her tits, but she didn't notice because he still came.
You drunk? Cause I have a terrible idea...
It's barely past noon, how am I already talking about double penetration
The smoothie place is closed, but the liquor store is open and wine is kinda like a smoothie.
Yeah but who says we can't be shitfaced and tan at the same time?
Randomize
