She referred to her collection of sex toys as an "arsenal." I'm not sure whether to be scared or excited....
This girl just introduced herself as Queefer Sutherland. She's on a roller derby team. What. The. Fuck.
The vodka told me to go iceskating on my frozen pool. I may have attempted.
my head gets it he sucks but my LAME FUCKING HEART IN MY VAGINA doesnt
Highlight of the night was you walking into the men's room yelling "My husband is diabetic" and crawling under the stall to yell at me.
This coke is making my nose hairs dance. That good.
I need rollerblades now
Rollerblades pick up bitches
Remind me never to smoke before babysitting again. Ate an entire bottle of children's gummy vitamins.... not an easy thing to explain to parents.
Also, my aunt grabbed my phone and downloaded the scriptures. Apparently I need Jesus.
hi I'm Emily and I thoroughly enjoy getting minors hammered.. I'll start my AA intro just like that.
That sounds worse than that time you thought out an entire story of how big bird would kill you
we played his NES Classic. Turns out there is a warp zone to my vagina.
...I just melted into my bed. I am one with the bed. I am 600 thread count.
No, I barely made it home last nite. Kept telling cab driver I live across the street from Susan Sarandon?? Thank god her coop addy is posted online.
It's very finicky. Like baking. or BDSM.
Randomize
