Afterall, it is the real San Francisco treat
half the nation just spent an hour watching a balloon fly around. we are officially the dumbest fucking country.
the snow is so cold on my vagina.
why do you have snow on your vagina?
vodka and heels.
Oh I forgot to tell you one of the little boys in my preschool class was wearing a Hooters tank top today.
suddenly, hermaphrodite night sounds like a really bad idea
I just found blacked-out interviews on my voice recorder. Go journalism.
it's ok. you also told me I can feel free to vomit on your blow dryer sometime.
When a girl says " I never would have come over if I knew I was getting kicked out at 7am." the correct response isn't "but think of how responsible you're being."
I found her in my pantry with her shirt off twerking...I tapped her on the shoulder and she said she was giving Chef Boyardee a show and to give her a minute...
Well I shit myself on the way home from work today so there's that...
Well. I had to explain to my niece that the word cunt is not an abbreviation for country. I'm the best aunt in the world.
Had a rough day but my boyfriend made that all better by going down on me while letting me watch Top Gear... I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
I just found a piece of dried shredded carrot on my bed
His 89 y/o father walked in on us. Judging by the gasp/moan, I don't think the 1920s prepared him to see another dude inside his son.
Have you ever woken up and said a thank you prayer to the beer gods for allowing you to wake up in the morning and still have the ability to walk and talk? Because we should.
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