you didnt say anything until i brought it up today. i guess i misjudged your maturity.
I guess I misjudged your gender.
so I was just driving high and I stopped to let a pinecone cross the road because I thought it was a hedgehog.
YOURE GIVING A BLOW JOB TO THE BOY WHO SAYS "OH SNAP"
so how do you plan on seducing my econ TA?
by telling him that he has a large supply and that i demand it...in my mouth. it shows him that i'm slutty and that i pay attention in econ
we had incredible sex, then he proposed with the vibrating cock ring
Some Russian dude just came up to us and I'm pretty sure he offered his girlfriend to have sex for 80 bucks. Whoever said porn movies were unrealistic.
When you passed out on the kitchen counter she brushed and flossed your teeth, then carried/dragged you to bed. Why aren't you married?
I used to be terrified of what was under your bed until I passed out there last night. Now it just feels like home.
When were you at my house?
If I could drive and get you Starbucks I would... But that's probably not a good idea. On account of the drugs.
His status said "sad." of course I liked it. I don't even care that I was the only one. Facebook isn't your god damn journal, we don't care about your problems.
PLEASE HELP ME THE AMERICANS ARE YELLING ABOUT TURKEY, I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO
i feel as though me waking up and asking her if i went to the hospital was a sign that i was not okay
If you get banged by this bartender you know you can't be mad at me right? Its the rules.
He sang the chorus to “Inside of you” by Russel Brand in Forgetting Sarah Marshall as he proceeded to not pull out...
Honestly? I wouldn’t even be mad, that probably took talent
My boobs are too perky to pay that much for a car
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