We haven't even started dating yet but I already decided I'm going to cheat on her
was this before of after we tobbganned into that tree?
I finally looked at the pictures from last night thanks for feeding me and pulling my pants up
so, give him that "thank you for fighting for my freedom bj" & he wont even remember what you said in that six min voice mail.
So another one of your girlfriends from middle school had a baby. Thank god you are gay, otherwise you would definitely be a dad by now.
Sorry if this is weird, but please don't have sex in my truck. I get to be the first...
Im glad the only reason we got out of bed today was to get Halloween candy on sale.
I'm throwing in the towel on today. The puke gods have won this war
Her next conquest seems to be stealing her ex-boyfriend's new girlfriend. Pretty sure everyone involved is totally OK with this.
We were walking home from Pluckers (read carrying your drunk ass) and out of nowhere you yelled "Say bitch you got a Facebook?" at a random chick walking by.
Hey I was just wondering if you could go look for my teeth?
Walked into a bathroom stall to pop an addy for my three back-to-back finals today. Felt like Clark Kent walking into a phonebooth.
You tried to ride his dick and fell off. Then tried to ride the floor. That's why he hasn't called back
I'm sure if Robin Williams was still with us he would want you to see boobs.
Just got my LSAT score...if you need me I'll be drunk in a ditch somewhere.
Randomize
