apparently when i got back to tyler's i layed face down on the bed and yelled "don't hurt my asshole!"
It must have been true love
I don't call true love eating a bag of doritos and then going down on each other
you woke up, pulled a beer bottle out of your pants..took a drink and went back to sleep.
I'm half bulimic - I binge but forget to purge
You act like this is the first time I literally thought I was invisible.
Sorry I never showed up last night. It was between spending time with you and our freinds or having violent multiple orgasims. I chose the low road.
She told me a motorboat isn't successful unless they come out gasping for air. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED!!!
I'm pretty sure at any given moment you could wring out my liver and get a couple of shots of jäger.
In the middle of having sex she stopped, said "guess what, it's clitoris awareness week" and then continued fucking me
Never drinking again. Maybe, if our boss gave us more 3-day weekends we would know how to handle ourselves. That was a shit show.
I don't know where I keep finding these guys, but mi power bottoms es su power bottoms.
The only people allowed to make me cry are myself and Chris Hemsworth as Thor. And me.
THERE ARE SO MANY HOT DADS AT WHOLE FOODS
I’m a women at a strip club dressed as post Malone
im going to smoke a cigarette and reflect on my life choices
Randomize
