Just had sex in the basement of the library... I knew I was paying $120,000 for something more than a law degree
Watching water boil has never been so amazing. I love wake-and-bakes.
Was rudely woken up by strangers at 4:15am. I was leaning against the stoplight at 9th
That was a $3000 rug we rolled him down the hill in.
I kind of drew a blank when the doctor asked me how I got super glue up my nose.
I figured out that he lasts longer when I rap during sex. He made it all the way through "Love the Way you Lie"
No he exists. Who else tells me no matter how drunk I am to pull out. He's watching over me so my bastard doesn't get created.
btw my ex came by last night and saw the pregnancy test intructions. awkwarrrrd.......
I needed tweezers to get my thong out of my ass this morning.
saying, "have a good fall!" After fucking a virgin boy is good etiquette, right?
I need to wear something that says I would have sex with you but I'm not going to
I walked in on him pumping himself up by headbanging to the drumbeat from Jumanji.
The first thing my Christmas gift money is buying is a dildo.
I just Spray tanned myself while high as fuck its either going to look like a work of art or terrible graffiti
I was just in the bathroom and some guy yelled all hail the king... i cant go anywhere without getting recognized anymore.
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