you want me
i'd rather choke on a dick.
she was a 2....and a legitimate 2. like, helen keller is a 1, this girl...2.
i wonder if she gts uncomfortable walkin bu when she knows we all know what her pussy tastes like
I am totally the chick from Intervention who barfs up wine and then re-eats it.
oh good. ive just found out that i went downstairs at 6 am still blacked out and had a 30 minute conversation with my mom about the different ways to feed our dog
He just reenacted his orgasm in front of my roommates....using a squeeze bottle of mayonnaise.
They put me in charge of something. Why the fuck would you look at me and put me in charge of something while i'm double fisting peach mimosas at a baby shower
Today's hangover is a "wear sunglasses while pooping in the dark" kind of day
Alls I remember is making out with that chick.
Nope that was a dude
I legitimately thought I was gonna die getting finger banged to ja rule in the back of your car last night.
he congratulated me on my ability to grow long hair after pulling it to see if i had extensions
so as he was cumming he sort of growled with one eye squinted... for a moment there I thought I was fucking Popeye
Nothing like the judgmental looks you get in the bathroom when you still have last night's glowsticks on
So, anyways, aside from wanting to seduce my roommate for booze, how's everything been
If you sleep with him I will stab you int the uterus with a pitchfork.
Prepare the pitchfork.
Randomize
