I need to just get drunk and eat a pot pie.
I'm drunk at a fancy martini bar, wearing jeans, drinking cheap vodka that I brought in my purse. Got thrown out of court for using my cell phone. All in all calling Thursday a success.
positive spin of the day: since my nose is blocked from allergies cleaning the puke this morning was much easier
I am more sore today than I was after my car wreck. Take it as a compliment that you bang harder than a semi-truck.
We're learning about the color wheel. Hello college.
I'm still hoping for it dude. Random north dakota pussy. If my 16 year old self knew that these were my dreams he would so try to beat me up, and i think he could.
I just farted and its sounded like it was disappointed in me.
yea talk to her if you feel up to it. Just remember who you are
Oh shit sorry I just gave lion king advice sorry not mufasa
Ordained minister or not I hereby renounce all moral responsibility for any and all related occurrences
My parents just told me that if I stop drinking I could do something great with my life...
They obliviously haven't seen you dance on top of a pool table then
The entire state will know me by my boobs.
Turns out the owner of the bar that I fucked used to be on Boy Meets World, but now he's old and bald. So there's that..
Whiskey. Because sometimes it's fun to have your hands go numb.
My mother is currently smoking weed with a dying bee so his last moments aren't miserable. And she wonders why I rescued a grasshopper missing a leg.
All I remember is me taking my automatic nerf gun getting on top of him and saying..."look whos in control now!"
Randomize
