just do him I won't tell jon
um i'm guessing you meant to send this to tina, thanks for the support in our relationship you whore
Tell her she can't have a vagina
I dreamt I won the Huge Cock Championship last night. It was glorious.
apparently 20 random guys watched the process of me being carried on a mattress through the dorms
The view from the bathroom floor this morning is fabulous
Thank you for the breast cancer awareness themed circle of death. Had it been any other time I would not have played topless.
I'm watching i used to be fat. I've been doing crunches for the last half hour yelling at the slut on tv to stop crying and do crunches.
Don't bother coming over to clean the mess. I already paid two kids 5 bucks for it, just didn't tell them you peed all over the place. You do owe me 5 bucks though
Finally washing the shoe scuff marks off my front windshield :( bye bye memories
Friends don't let friends drunk sleep in the dorm common room
Three Asian guys got on the elevator with a handle of Hennessey and a sleeping bag. This is not the start of a joke.
I was going to say "wearing plaid doesn't make you gay, I wear plaid!" but then... heavy sigh
Is Oprah even human
So it's official the pockets of my work apron exist solely for the purpose of secretly flipping off asshole customers and not losing my job.
i found 4 slices of pizza in my toaster, and a can of unopened soup in my blender.. wtf?
Randomize