Woke up with feathers in my hair. at work. still drunk. sooo awkward.
going to class early so i have time to go on the moonbounce. this is why i go to art school.
his cum tasted like old pizza and looked like old milk
They've started ranking girls from "paper-bag" to "I just came." Please come get me
well you haven't lived until you've been 86'ed from a family restaraunt
Dude I thought this was going to suck, but moving back in with my dad is like being at a frat party every night only everyone is 40 years old.
it was really bad. he went around saying "I want you inside of me" to everyone.
I know everyone screamed lady cop instead of cops. I wanted to apologize to her for our chauvinism
I'm sitting next to some random guy in a gorilla suit drinking out of a bottle of vodka.
He's majoring in Religion
He wasn't lying when he said he was immune to pepperspray. He pretended it burned for like 12 seconds and told the cops he was kidding he was alright. We'll be there soon.
I just remembered I made you punch yourself in the face last night and I would like to formally apologize for that even though it was hilarious.
the guy I've been trying to get with saw my brother's genitals before he saw mine, so that's my life.
As much of a hooker as I am you don't slam where you drink
When you accidentally text the wrong guy for a dick pic and your surprised you get one In return. He just got on my "to do" list
He just compared fucking my vagina to a snow flake falling on his forehead: gentle.... I'm not sure if that's a compliment or not.
Randomize
