We had like 4 guys come over and buy us all drinks as an excuse to hit on Kendra. Hanging out with her is now officially fiscally responsible.
Shoot me. Guy hitting on me with a beaver on his head. Says it is his spirit animal.
Apple trackpads and semen don't mix. On the way to the Apple Store.
I'm gonna go out on a limb and say it had something to do with pool sex.
I drunk dialed my ex-boyfriend last night. He was sitting next to my new boyfriend. Shoot me in the face.
HOLY FUCK COMFIEST CHAIR EVER
We watched Jurassic Park and they made me drink every time they saw or named a dinosaur. Do you know how many dinosaurs live in Jurassic Park? Lots.
Whenever we go out my brain flips on autopilot, straight to blackout.
returning from a 6am booty call in 2 feet of snow on a Tuesday is a bold new kind of low for me
So it's official the pockets of my work apron exist solely for the purpose of secretly flipping off asshole customers and not losing my job.
A check for $9 that I used to buy six boxes of Girl Scout cookies bounced. I think I've hit a new low.
Ended up at the strip club, got told I should be a dancer 4 times, got free tacos and my hot TA slide in the dms. How was your night?
I have jizz, in my hair. I'm sitting in class with jizz. In. My. Hair. I need to make better life choices.
Don’t fucking talk to that dude from monday!! Ethical consumption dude, don’t fuck shitty guys
I got so pissed i stormed off and threw his burrito on his windshield
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