Funny, my mom didn't get it when I said 'that's what she said' after she said 'it's so thick, it's impossible' in reference to my milkshake
who knew getting puke in ur hair could make it look so cute and curly. minus the crusty puke part
we did anal to Party In The USA and he busted to Firefies .. felt like we were fucking in a middle school dance
what part of "i slept with our hot teacher" are you not excited about?!
the part where you beat me to him
fair enough.
You SHOULD feel empty, we were at the top of our game, and by that i mean snorting things we don't understand and only a few steps away from adultery.
The guy in front of me got in the club with his green card, that's awesome
My friend and I just coined a new term. OBJ. The obligatory blow job. You totally know what I'm talking about.
Like if he goes down on you first, or you just don't want to bone him yet. OBJ.
she asked how her costume looked and all i could say was bars are dark right?
Best part of being a cop: When I showed up at Thanksgiving with stitches in my head I could tell them I was "protecting and serving" not "drinking and falling down". Career validated.
That idiot. I'll see him on campus and he'll try and touch me like we're friends or some shit. 1.you're ugly 2. You dropped the blunt in the pool
I legit had a 15 minute convo about dinosaurs with a guy at the bar last night cuz he was wearing a jurassic park shirt
(This is the second time ive been high enough to decide to run for office)
He told me to be a woman and make him dinner. So I threw a bagel at him and went out to dinner.
If Dr Phil has taught me anything about myself, it’s that I can seriously relate to those women who fake their pregnancies.
The night took a wrong turn after I found you smoking a blunt with a midget behind the bar...
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