It made me feel like I need a reality show of my life so I could go back and watch the episodes to figure out how I got from the trunk of the car to my neighbors tree house...
dunno bout you, but i grow tired of beef curtains
when i told him i was pregnant with his baby he texted me 'congradulations'
i pity the fetus.
I'm not a creep or anything, just a lost soul looking for a good lay
I heard from anne today. She has a broken collarbone and is knocked up. Apparently florida is awesome
i am way too old to be getting fingered at work
Who are these men, what are we doing here, how is this helping us toward our goals of sex and pasta? Things to consider.
So i know i shouldnt being spending random large amnts of money...but i just bought a sword.
I am honestly trying to remember his name. All I can remember is that he had a weird mole, a daughter and a lot of cocaine. Please stop letting me pick up at gay night.
i was the only bi girl at the frat party. i felt like the last cresent roll at thanksgiving
You just kept screaming "COME GET ME OFFICER, MY ALLIGATOR MEANS BUSINESS" while swinging a beanie baby alligator at him.
Visibly drunk girl eating alone at a souplantation just spilled salad all over her body. It was me
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
Dude, he danced with the dog that some random chick was carrying at the bar. Then the dog jumped out of his arms and ran away. THAT definitely deserves a drink.
"I'm 22, I could die in a piano bar." -a sentence i actually just said to my boss
Randomize
