You should've come with us, we're at Home Depot looking for men.
he invited me to an all week drinking party at his house. apparently he knows the key to my heart is booze shaped.
If God's watching us, we might as well be entertaining
We dont have to go to dinner or anything gay like that. I just wanna do it.
I absolutely love you.
Tbell employee was shuffling through my bag, calling off each item i ordered to make sure it was all there. I stopped him halfway through with "guy, don't worry, I'm high as shit, I'll eat anything."
Somehow I feel more guilty using her razor then I do having sex with her boyfriend...
just tripped. bootyfest 2012 will be my engagement party. i saw the whole future. i'm moving to the beach.
I returned her cell phone that I found in the bathroom, I felt the stretcher and the ambulance was enough of a learning experience.
Jenny was looking for something soft to drink since it's only noon, she chose spiced rum. Think she might die today
The kid in the park, who was on a leash I might add, looked at us and yelled "stranger danger" before hiding behind his dad
It started out just like any other night: was watching a Zach Effron movie, drinking tequila out of a water bottle. I don't understand how this got out of hand.
I feel like the only phrases I can clearly speak while drunk consist of: i'm fucking drunk, chug, and shots
Note to self: the judgement that occurs when unrolling your last 5 which was used to snort drugs the night before, to pay for alcohol before noon on a Monday is worth just sucking it up and taking an overdraft fee.
Wait a min, you had drugs last night?!
Every little girl dreams of the day when she picks up her fuck buddy because he's drunk at the gay bar again.
I can make a sex schedule on Excel and send it to you guys
Randomize
