Midget sex pt 2 tonight
some 7 year old just told me his favorite rapper was eminem and kim got what she deserved...god damn today's youth is in a dark period
Don't you hate it when all three people suddenly sober up in the middle of a threesome. Awwwwkward.
I don't think my arm is broken I can still text
apparently it isn't appropriate to tell a coworker who is eating celery because it's "negative calories" that a blowjob is too
We will have to go big on the 4th! Nothing says independence like the impending doom of an ankle monitor
I knew you would eventually ask my secret. Pedialite mix drinks. Works wonders.
Bartender just fed me brownie. Its going to be a good night
So please don't worry, but I need some help getting blood out of my drywall so I can get my security deposit back. I would not ask if the need was not great.
If last night was a preview of 2015, I quit.
In order to save time, dignity and liver damage, wanna get naked?
I walked into the bathroom and there's this 6'5" cop washing his hands. He looks at me and goes, "Heard you singing outside. Sound real pretty."
No more tequila EVER.
I'm drunk and in a paddle boat and my friend won't quit yelling about pandas. Does this ever happen to you?
You kept saying “keke” over and over so I slapped you then you proceeded to ask if I loved you. In case you’re wondering why you have a black eye - Lauren
Still had our rainbow strip poker new years tradition. End of night we were only wearing mask.
Did you get the usual surprise pics from the strange straight you like to sprinkle in.
Randomize
