last night i used 411 to try and contact britney spears.
dollar well spent
I don't know what I could have possibly done in a past life to deserve watching my boyfriend projectile vomit margaritas and probs blood while completely naked.
life is sad when you just turned 21 and youre doing late night rogaine runs...
There's a girl at 7-11 apologizing for her behavior and asking if she can get her shoes back.
We played shuffleboard at the bar last night...another sign we are getting tooooo old.
After throwing up in a tequila bottle on my nightstand (still not sure how she did that) she asked if she could slip into something more comfortable.
Just got judged by the front desk clerk, 2 maids and a security guard at the Sheraton. I've decided to use this as a character building experience.
Just picture a dyson vacuum with razor blades. That's how it felt.
So. She dumped me today.
Well, maybe you shouldn't have referred to going down on her as "Dumpster-Diving".
We got security called on us. Apparently the wedding down the street didn't appreciate the trespassing or our loud as fuck rendition of We Are Young.
I paused the movie when the delivery guys arrived, and while they were assembling the bed, one of the guys pointed to the tv and said "why so serious?" And it made the whole experience happy.
But I did spend part of my morning scrubbing your cum off my grandmothers piano.
He said I took his samurai sword off his wall and proceeded to jump off his porch at people coming home from the bar.
Sangria Flip Cup was probably one of our worse drunken decisions
If my dildo had feelings, they. Would've deffinately been hurt. He put that toy to shame..
Randomize
