Half Baked? Au contraire, Ben and Jerry, I was fully baked when I ate that whole pint of ice cream.
We all know the best way to start a relationship is greeting while at least one of you are intoxicated, dual facebook stalking, and a two week long game of 20 questions via texts to 'really' get to know each other. In that order.
I wouldn't have it any other way. It's like a fairy tale!
A guy at the bar bought me a jag bomb because I'm the chick that frosts his donuts at KT. Never have I been more proud of being a failure at life.
Walking through campus with a grocery bag full of pot brownies. I'm like the santa claus of 4/20
No we are not "bros" because I came out of my moms vagina& you went in there.
the cashier ate half of our fries before she gave them to us so i think it's safe to say they don't do drug testing there
It's like the blind leading the senile over here.
UPDATE: shit just got real- grandma is threatening to beat grandpa with a wooden spoon covered in chili.
you walked in on him eating me out and screamed SHE'LL BREAK YOUR HEART BRO before body slamming on the ground and passing out on the floor
Dude, you punched me in the face bc I wasnt ordering your tbell fast enough. Then when you got it, you threw it out the window bc, and I quote, "OBAMACAREEEE!"
Why can't people give useful wedding gifts...like sex swings or Nutella?
Drunk at work, covered in Cheetos is no way to go through life.
I found Cheetos.
Is there a polite way to say "Sorry for your head injury but I still want to hook up"?
Your normalization of crazy is frightening.
I smoked all his weed and he hasn't noticed yet. But I might need a place to crash when he does
Protip if he licks the back of your knee and you reflexively kick him your game of 'lick the lady' is over.
Randomize
