It was fun until I shot a pea out of my nose while throwing up. Left over tuna casarole at 3Am was a terrible choice.
The most interesting things happen to you when your pants come down. I truly envy you.
I wasn't interested in him...but then he played The Office theme song on acoustic guitar. I'm sorry.
Were making a bet for which twin will relapse while in rehab. I'm going for the chubbier one
If I started a story with "That three-year-old totally deserved it," would you listen?
Drunk me thought he was hot enough to overlook the fact that he had poison ivy and still have sex with him. Sober me wants to know if you have any calamine lotion.
Just gave my liver a good luck and I'm sorry speech
I'm allowing myself one mistake a year. He gets to be 2012.
He stopped me in the middle of a blow job to call his grandma for her birthday.
At least he has family values.
The smoothie place is closed, but the liquor store is open and wine is kinda like a smoothie.
Do the security cameras outside your house capture sound? If so your whole family is going to hear me describe my threesome
The Game of Thrones convention was just a drunk fuckfest.
Please tell me you banged Jon Snow.
And when were you going to tell me to stop dancing on his coffee table singing "come on irene?"
I wrote notes to myself all over my body. "don't yell at cops again" "Cody stole your phone" "you kissed Cody" "vodka shots are bad for your liver" and "cactus pretty" WTF????
APPARENTLY I MISSED SOMEONE SWALLOWING A WHOLE BAG OF METH WHILE I WAS ON BREAK.
Randomize