Why are there hot girls at the dollar store?
The recession has changed everything man.
So at what point do I tell her that I like fucking these hot southern girls more than I like my relationship with her?
Hey they cleaned all the blood out of the elevator. Also could you pick up some nachos?
New low, passed out while taking a shit for an hour with my parents home, suprised they didnt notice
I believe you called it tequila and nipples. The proceeded to strike a pose.
Well he was saying something about being emotionally unavailable since his dad died, but then I blew him in a tree and he shut up
She went outside in nothing but her panties and came back inside 15 minutes later wearing a different pair of panties.
Best orgasm I ever had! I though we totally connected and I asked him to stay over. He went back to the sigma chi house and returned with his blankie and a 40. please help
I was drunk, he was taking a bodyshot while avoiding my piercing. I told him I loved him. He waited until I woke up with my hangover to say he loved me too. It was hangover magic.
My brother just text me asking if I was ready for the blowjob of my life.
Can we talk about the fact that a stranger is doing a line of coke off our living room table right now?
I'm pretty sure I lit a prostitute's cigarette while sharing a pizza with a homeless guy last night
I can't believe there are people our age getting engaged and I can't even find a solid coke dealer.
Wanna go on a picnic?
... by picnic I mean wanna sit on a blanket and drink with me?
Who in their right mind would frost a cake with their butt?
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