Just witnessed a walk of shame by a guy in a half gorilla suit. It's going to be a good day.
Someone sharpied 'shit show' on my tits. Someone with excellent penmanship
I think the waitress doesn't beleive I have friends coming. I've had 4 drinks and a large salad just waiting for you guys.
Studying for the exam.. Identifying the portraits using phrases like "large penis"
I need to keep friends like you around just in case hell grades on a curve.
the bar tender told me i could keep an air matress in the backroom.
also since I use google voice my ads in gmail switched to DUI services after this conversation
I'm microwaving a frozen bottle of Two Buck Chuck while watching The Proposal with my housemate. I'm not sure what success is like, but I'm fairly confident this isn't it.
I apparantly wanted to name her baby garbage
Idk but she keeps giving me s'mores and I'm having a hard time caring about her alcoholism because of it
Soggy bong water carpet is the worst kind of carpet.
I've had to take two showers today and it's not even 1 o'clock. Why won't this weekend wash off?
like don't tell me my baby smooth vag offended you
I'm in Florida in a retirement community the fuck am I supposed to do but watch tv and disgrace Jesus
one of my students asked me today if i was having a baby. fuckin 4 year olds and their lack of filter. time to get back to the gym i guess
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