"Ever since I killed her kid she be actin' shady." Actual quote overheard at Marine World just now. Oh God.
gotta love it when a reminder comes up on your phone and u think u forgot about a meeting or something then u read it and its only to remind me to go to the titty bar at 3
Is it weird i consider You Sexy Thing our song?
i tried slipping money on her dresser whenever she brings guys home hoping she'll start to question her goals in life... i think its only encouraging her
I walked downstairs and he was standing in nothing but his boxers with his dick hanging out warming up eggs in the microwave.
It was pretty bad. Like cum-on-my-face-while-singing-Let-It-Snow bad.
It's okay though. My mom didn't believe that they were mine cuz they were magnums. Having a surprisingly large penis ftw
He's not actually Jewish. Turns out he just wears the yarmulke to cover his bald spot.
He's easy on the eyes, light on his feet, and rough in bed...what more could a girl ask for in a rebound?
My ex came over to hook up...then I went on a date 2 hours later and got a bj. Single: Finally doing it right.
I broke her handcuffs. I feel like an animal.
My morning started with my mom giving me the number for a substance abuse councellor. How's your day going?
I think the fact that I stole someone's mail and broke my big toe means that I should consider taking some time away from vodka
What is the proper Father's Day protocol when you're sleeping with a guy who has kids?
the girl next to me was drawing sonic the hedgehog on her exam what the fuck
godspeed
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