I got into an eating contest with Christina. I ate 6 oranges.
Why? Who won?
we don't know. we ran out of oranges.
You just compared our sex life to a seven year old kid.
This girl looks like a mixture of kathy griffin and bill walton. i havent decided if that is a good thing.
She liked every single Facebook status in her newsfeed and then made her status 'I LIKE U GUYS'
He told me that he wanted to break up with his girl friend but only after we had sex, only for him to make sure I'm worth it..
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when i get back.
In the middle of having sex, she said "if we continue, we're dating." I then pulled out and sat in the corner, naked. I deserve a Medal of Honor.
There's always one sober annoying person at a party. I hate responsible people. I just wanted to show everyone my nipples. There cute. She didn't have to stop me
STD scares really help you understand the whole six degrees of separation thing...
Dude, it could be so much worse. That Dale kid lost a toe I think.
Dude. I legit missed class because I got too engrossed in the porn I was watching. Also I need to figure out how to get as flexible as these chicks. Some of the positions they do are outrageous.
I awoke this morning alone and naked in my bed I forecast my date later not going so well because I have three giant hickies on my neck there is a note next to my bed that looks a 3rd grader wrote it on my college acceptance letter
Some cougar Brit said she loved me. America is bouncing back.
The only thing I remember last night was feeding my dog 4 McDoubles.
Hey, I'm making progress. I haven't thrown up in a bar while wearing a sweater vest in almost two months.
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