y did u give ur computer a hand job?
If you are in NYC and not seeing anyone, you should come fucke me now because:1 i am not in love with you anymore, 2 i am drunk enough where i won't feel the n eed to kisx you awardly to avoid your beard, 3we have unfinished business that i wpn't get -assed unyil orgass have been had, 4 i really really want to
dude on moped wearing crocs...somebody get this guy his man card back
you were so high you spent the rest of the night smelling pepper to prove you can sneeze with your eyes open
Some guy shouted fuck america during the national anthem, i decked him. They threw him out. USA USA USA!
still doesn't change the fact you were dunking your sock in the toilet.
You got ahold of his prescription papers and gave out prescriptions for cranberry and vodka
you kept going on about how you couldnt haven been the one throwing up because you were peeing in circles.
My meds have diminished my sex drive, this must be what regular women feel like
I just bid on a $9000 car because I think its my ex-girlfriends. Yes I wanna hit that again.
We got the DJ into it too! "If there are any dudes into other dudes out there, my man mark is looking to get pounded. Buy him a drink stat!"
I'LL COME GET YOU. GOTTA FIND A SUIT THAT COVERS TIT BRUISES FIRST.
turns out it took a Belgian couchsurfer dressed as Heisenberg to rock my world.
I saw a drunk guy run across the street with an American flag between his buttcheeks.
My favorite part was making you pull out your lucky steelers vibrator and show it to jerome bettis at the bar
Randomize
