Thats the last time I go out drinking with my Irish friends. Two shots of flaming sambucca = bar on fire. I was only trying to high five the barman.
Standing here next to my mom talking to my friend trying to act like he doesn't sell me E every weekend.
Oh my god. Just had sex with this girl on the boardroom table at my work at midnight (win!) just realized I left the condom wrapper on the table (lose!)
if you think for one second that i'm not using my mittens as hand puppets at the bar tonight then u dont know me at all!
Double fisting Gray Goose bottles. We've officially ruined her.
All I want to do is fuck in the bell tower before it leave this school. Is that too much to ask?
He ate me out while I was wearing a tiara.... I think I could get used to this
Tried to drunkenly hop a fence with my cast on to get away from the cops but ended up falling over a bench.. how do I explain those bruises to my parents?
I just want to have normal problems like what kind of puppy to get, or should I pay a hooker to fuck Scott, or even a dilemma about fucking Twizzlers. I don't know.
Came out of blackout state to the curtains torn down & the headboard laid on top of him. & yes he was still breathing
Reading becomes significantly more difficult when people are having crazy loud sex in an adjoining room
you made the house rule that every time you'd say "yay" everyone had to drink.
that explains so much
I'm literally trying to cool beer down right now in my car by putting it on my floor and blasting cold air on it
I may have passed out and puked all over the host's favorite couch, but three hours and a rip later, I was eating tiramisu in the bathtub with the birthday boy and a hot Italian.
That confirms what we've all known all along. I'm a bad gay. I have no fashion sense.
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