so i told my doctor my symptons and she just shook her head at me
I need a leather bustier to keep them in.
Too kinky for 11:30am. Stop that.
I don't give a shit about soccer but I'm really excited about drinking at 7 in the morning
he made me scream out "#24" while we fucked...no more football players
Were making a bet for which twin will relapse while in rehab. I'm going for the chubbier one
There's so much relief when you realize you wake up in your own bed
No more tipping the bathroom attendant with your phone.
Don't worry we found her. Somehow she ended up on my roof with 2 bar stools
The beers last night were like the tears from god
You can't tell me you've honestly NEVER considered smoking a Froot Loop
New year means new boundaries for the Brazilian lady.. I'm pretty sure I got wax on my asshole
You know you have hit the best years of your life when you enlist the 5 year old to be ball boy during beer pong and pay him with candy you stole from Walgreens
Your first mistake was thinking that you could get through the day without drinking a single bottle of alcohol. Your second mistake was wearing shark boxers.
Also either i just launched into space as a rocket or my legs just orgasmed, but i am high as a soul train
Like sometimes I’ll be hangry but for dick
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