i'm forgoing the post-coitus cuddling sesh to ask u this :when he says he loves me and all i can think to say is either "cool" or "i love boning you," what do i do?
I dont ever wanna see you tell my little brother to "spread the seed" ever again
you were convinced that if all her tampons were gone her period would stop, so you started eating them.
Banging your ex-girlfriends best friend 3 days after you break up is like saying "fuck you" with feeling. I wouldnt have it any other way.
Because when I say 'You shouldn't drink anymore', she hears, 'I personally challenge you to chug 3 more mixed drinks'
We're gonna have the chick that teaches kindergarteners to fold origami roll the joints.
I don't know what you're talking about but its dick galore in the tub. We will be getting poked tonight. Bring forks.
A whole bunch of large men eating Doritos just knocked on my door and asked if they could take out my trash?
It's a sign that no dudes december is about to start: I have a yeast infection.
I made a bet with her that she would show me her tits if I finished my beer. Only on spring break.
The Universe is CLEARLY playing a bad joke on your sex life
An old biker dude just flirted with me at Food City. I enjoyed it. God damn I need to get laid.
Your liver needs more exercise - we start training tonight.
I'm just glad you didn't end up in Staten Island
I woke up naked holding a taco. My ass couldn't even make it to my bed let alone Staten Island
I’m getting back at my ex and training my new boy toy how to properly satisfy a woman. I’m killing two birds with one dick.
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