I would dunk an oreo in her breast milk
I don't know where I am, but I'm drinkin & I like these people
i think i just witnessed the elusive male walk of shame
drunk me is my new role model. he's fearless. like not even afraid of tornadoes.
They went to the hospital to try backflips in the parking lot. Be ready for the call
Not complaining, but why is there a Russian chick downstairs making latkes?
if that blanket by the dog bowl was your dog's "bed" then i apologize to bailey for having sex on it
He deleted all his profile pics with her. It was like the bat signal for single women everywhere.
What if our hands were octopus tentacles?
You're an idiot.
You should photoshop their heads on tigers first!!
For my parents' annivery card? How high are you?
I feel that it is my duty to the human race to invent a colon squeegy
I woke up at 4 am. Literally pissed. No idea what happened. I could have fucked a cow.
Oh my god I found my bf's erotica
OH MY GOD HE WROTE THIS EROTICA.
OH MY GOD THIS IS GOOD EROTICA.
I slid a quarter down a drunk man's butt crack last night. Qdoba gets rowdy
Something about finishing sexting a guy and him going "well. I have to get ready for Passover now" really makes me rethink my life choices
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