My grandpa is talking about laundry and he asked if i could run a "small hot load." Wow. I had to leave the room.
I find it ironic that homeless people are so good in bed
Did I tell you that you looked cute last night? I looked at the pictures. I lied.
some guy just asked me if water gets in a vag when girls take a bath. WTF. it's not a wind tunnel!
someday when you wake up in a dumpster we'll have to have this conversation again...
He won't let me have sex with him, but feels bad if I won't let him get me off. It is the weirdest, best, most confusing pseudo relationship I've been in.
I swear I only do things like fuck 19 yr olds just to hear how you laugh when I tell you.
How dare she call you insensitive. Should have told her about the time you let that girl in the wheelchair wearing the sombrero blow you.
Afraid I'm about to get arrested. Complicated situation but not a joke. If I do not text again that all is clear within 90 minutes kindly begin bail process. I have the cash to repay as soon as I get home. Details later.
My bed smells like stale sex...I want it to smell like fresh sex, I miss you.
If you're not peeing in public bi-monthly, you're not really living.
Ok spinning in the opposite direction thatg the room was spinning was the worst advice ever
took over 12 bombs tonight and we still aren't hooking up. Wait how am I functioning
With great liquor, comes great irresponsibility. Remind me of this night tomorrow.
Just got invited to a tree party by some random chicks. They're literally just sitting up in a tree with a handle of rum and a box of goldfish crackers and yelled at me as I was walking by...
Randomize
