Last night was a blur. All I remember is jizzing in the squeegee bucket at a gas station.
The look on the soccer mom's face was PRICELESS.
Idk man, it felt like my skin was a suit and I could feel it zipping up my side and up to my mouth. And then my head felt like a ventriloquist dummy's head, with the jaw thing..it was freaky, dude
You think that's a metaphor for anything, champ?
Shut the hell up.
the real housewives of new jersey finale is tonight. it makes me wish we had pot.
just wanted to thank u for shitting in my dads bidet last night. i had to manually scoop ur shit out of it. btw ur dumped.
the maid of honor just got in a fight with the mother of the bride at a gas station across the street. best. wedding. ever.
Its like I was sleeping with a kid. His gum fell into my hair while sleeping and he just wanted to cuddle.
Did I at antime last saturday slip away and sign up for a prayer circle?
Power hour was a bad idea. It turned into power 4 hours, then power puke. Then power sleep till 3.
Anne I just took two ambiens. I think my body is melting into my blow up bed. Like a stick of butter just slowly melting. And I'm alright. Don't be afraid. I'll be alright.
He filled four shots of Everclear and walked around saying "FREE VODKA SHOTS". he is to blame.
next time im at a party and go to fist bump the dude who took my virginity two years ago PLEASE STOP ME
I think I passed out drunk at my own jewelry party
You are attracted to power and since you can't date the married old guy you have to go for the next best thing - his gay son
We dont have cups... so were doing shots out of bowls like puppies
It's not even noon yet and I just fucked my professor's son in the psych lab..it's gonna be a great day.
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