i'm trying to reconcile what i did last night with who i am as a person.
dude i woke up to 20 missed calls from you, 3 from a blocked number and had 13 voicemails that all said "send me a picture of your tits."
so im guessing thats a no.....
I got so many pubes stuck in her braces that when she yanked her head, I cried out like that one girl you "accidentally" rear-ended last week. Bald spots are battle scars.
I think i can make this amish girl legitimately hot.
I woke up on the ground next to a bed of naked men. I'm either a drunken genius or the enemy....
I don't know if this whole sobriety thing is going to work out... It's only been 3 days and I want to chug vodka
You should photoshop their heads on tigers first!!
For my parents' annivery card? How high are you?
Downside to Halloween: you can't tell if the guy dressed as Gene Simmons from KISS that keeps flirting with you is hot or not...I decided to err on the side of caution and assume not...
Only you would get a side of potential vagina with your sandwich
My arms in a cast, how am I supposed to have sex with only one hand?
more importantly I need two hands to eat pie
You tried to stop drinking but then she started feeding you tequila with a spoon. You were like an adorable baby bird.
Ive got small boobs, but they sure do like to pop out and party with the big dogs.
She's currently singing "I'm gonna keep on lovin you" to her pillow. How do you think tonight went?
I just want to nap all the time and eat Chinese food.
Thanks for leaving me with drunk gabby
Hahahaha why what's happening?
She's sending me morse code through the wall....typical
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