Ever have the mailman look at you like youre a chronic masterbator. I have.
As of tonight I have officially had sex during every Disney movie.
im pretty sure thats the first step to being a pedafile
happy birthday! Any relationship between us is now officially illegal.
He didnt have condoms & didnt trust himself to pull out. Thats when I knew he was a keeper. So I blew him so he knew I was a keeper too.
True romance of the 21st century.
this kid is using one arm to help his buddy with a keg stand, and the other arm to hold up the chick he's making out with.
She is trying to turtle bite me and when I pull away she says just let it happen. Then she pulled a poptart out of nowhere
she gave me her number. found out it was already stored in my phone as "bathroom blowjob"
nothing says roomie bonding better than a sunday shroom trip.
Right... Let's keep my vodka tinged mind focused on simple words
You kind of have a nervous, desperate thing going on that isn't exactly catnip for bitches
Will you be my therapist? I don't want to tell me secrets to a strange person and be judged all over again when you have already taken the time to do it. Oh and I will pay you with alcohol
I could drive to your house and kick you in the nuts right now....and not even stop for a burrito
He was so drunk we almost didn't even make it to his place because he didn't know where he lived
I think I had Hypothermia but was too drunk to notice.
first he passed out on the toilet...then hugged it and screamed no no no as i tried to pull him out
Randomize
