I'm fucking your sister right now.
You motherfucker
She's next.
so I think he was half asleep, but he woke me up by saying "where's my cow? Is it being shipped?" He must have been dreaming about farmville..
He walked in and put an x made out of tape on the floor. He then announced that he was going to pass out there. Cocky or strategic?
well, it ended with me crying outside the strip club saying i don't want to be 21 anymoree. i'd say it was a great 21st birthday.
I already brushed my teeth, and it's not even noon yet. Today's going to be a productive day.
Yeah apparently i got lonely because everyone was hooking up so i took matters into my own hands. I woke up on the floor spooning a vaccuum cleaner, a mop, 40 paper cups, and industrial grade detergent.
The pride tent is doing free lube tastings. There is also a mechanical bull.
you called me at 4 in the morning and invited me over for pasta and a late night viewing of titanic.
She said she liked strap-ons.
SHE WAS TALKING ABOUT SHOES, YOU ASSHOLE! YOU'RE THE WORST WINGMAN EVER!
She said "I feel like I haven't reached my full potential" and I couldn't figure if she meant in life or with the weed..
Not all of us can be into hot dads. Some of us have to have commitment issues and be into musicians.
Just whisper "I fucked your boyfriend" in her ear and be done with it.
I found a tomato seed inside my jeans. I did not eat tomatoes
It wasn't intentional or anything but I've now had sex with all of your siblings. How's college going?
She started crying because the Rugrats grew up
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