Life lesson: Don't ever put your penis in a crazy girl. Especially if she's married. And has a kid.
Just wandered into a surprise final. Only a surprise for me though. I wish I could say this is the first time this has happened.
She washed lettuce and peppers in the shower and proceeded to make a salad
look for us when you get to the club. we're the guys wearing snorkels.
The pet store wouldn't sell us fish because they said they could tell we were drunk.
Been home for 3 days and already spiked coffee with Kahlua. Only 106 till we go back to school
Hey, it's Thrasher! From the hospital!
Dude. I am seriously trying SO hard not to be amused by Honey Boo Boo. But the fact is, she just got a mani pedi with her gay uncle Poodle, and he got a discount because he only has nine toes, and I am ALL IN.
This is going to be one of those "I can only do this high" classes
Taco trucks are like ice cream trucks for drunk adults. They should have a mariachi tune they play super loud to bring people out of the bars for tacos.
That's right. I did.
You are the saddest 25 year old gay man I've ever had the displeasure of knowing.
Ryan friended me on LinkedIn and it took everything in my power not to endorse him for sexual dysfunction as a skill.
Not going to lie: not even the fact I'm wearing men's cargo pants can hide the fact I have an awesome ass.
if jesus wore shoes made out of pure flavor and hurricane kicked u in the face thats how it feels to eat pizza bites right now
i just got hit by a door and im the one that said im sorry, yeah im drunk.
Randomize
