It really wasn't that bad. Well, it was pretty bad, but only in 3 second bursts.
I told a kindergarten student that candy canes are bones of reject elves.
theyre just this beautiful family of functioning alcoholics. i want them to adopt me.
My drug dealer is spending the weekend in my studio apartment. I feel like I've crossed a line that should never be crossed.
We are not on the "bring me breakfast" level. He's bringing me penis if I ask for breakfast too I'll just sound greedy
last karaoke night = doing dmx songs with a guy who threatened to stab me. so yeah I'm coming out.
Just realized that St. Patty's is on a Saturday this year in case you were interested in coming to New York and redefining bender with me.
I resisted the urge to announce that it looks like a big crystal butt plug
Why do you hate her?
She's dating the best penis that has ever entered my vagina.....
A homeless man gave him a blanket and an ambulance drove him to sarahs...
Finally hooked up with her. She bought me tacos after because "she can do better in a bed". You're gonna be my best man.
I just set an alarm for 5 am tomorrow morning titled "Wake and Bake Its Christmas motherfucker"
Apparently the guy with the moaning gf that lives above us is in my DES class... AWKWARD
the girl who hid my weed when the cops came has a birthday coming up. i feel like i should get her something.
Guess it's not a good idea to try lighting a cigarette with my stove drunk, I burnt off half my bangs.
Randomize