I thought she had blonde hair
No, Gonorrhea actually
so later when i'm crying over him remind me that he once called his penis "senor weeper"
a dead guy is trying to sell me oxy clean on my tv
We found you on the floor drooling you kept saying over and over how you were double jointed.
i watched you ride a mechanical penis. nothing is awkward between us anymore.
Yeah dude, it's amazing. Be careful though, that shit is really really intense. Like it's way more intense than normal shit...
I took two and feel like crushed diamonds spread over glazing marmalade
Ok if you are accepting my apology, please continue to ignore me. If you are not, please fill out the brief survey that follows, to help me improve my people relations: a) your a bitch please leave me alone b)your crazy pls leave me alone c) I never cared ab u please leave me alone. D) all of the above e) all of the above but I wouldn't mind still fucking u. F) who are you again? Your answer will not b shared and will b used in accord. With the law. TY
I dont have any paper so I'm writing class notes on my first response direction pregnancy paper. Judging eyes are all around.
Giving my coworkers lap dances cuz it was my turn to decide our team bonding exercise. Go happy hour!
You just wrote a check for drugs...pretty sure you don't have cash for beer..
Qdoba locked their bathrooms last night.. I suppose so people didn't pee all over them? I considered it counter productive considering I just peed on the outside of their building then. I had to pee
Would it be weird to jack off in the hospital?
It's gotten to the point that when I close my eyes to cum all I see is candy crush
Fuck you. I've got onesies to keep me warm at night. And this bottle.
Throwing up while listening to NPR because I’m trying to adult through this hangover
Randomize