I am pretty sure the guy in the stall two dwn from me is jerking it...seriously
They keep asking what you are doing. I told them to quit calling her "what."
I changed my mind about Tim Gunn. I like him now. Mostly because he said someone's dress looks like a gay t-rex. Or something.
he rubbed his balls on my face to wake me up.. this friends with benefits thing is getting out of hand.
I'm afraid to text her because most of the time she just replies with "cockblock."
I figured out plans for New Year's and by figuring out I mean I've got a sugar bowl of cocaine. Start at 10?
its the kind of night you break several limbs and say you were lucky
Yea I saw a friend of yours carrying your limp body somewhere
I apologized for the whole SWAT team incident to the roommate.
she's an english major so her sexts are something i look forward to
I told him I tried to eat a stranger's sandwich while I was drunk. Mildly disappointed but he realizes he has me for a kid.
I just haymakered a dude with my face, can we talk about ME for a second and not the guy I fought?
Yeah I blacked out in a wiener costume.... I think I'm ready to come home now.
Well waking up naked, covered in Chex mix is not how I planned to start my Wednesday if that's what you're getting at.
These girls next to us are doing shots called bath salts. Sadly this is the classiest bar I've been to since i moved to PA
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