I'm constantly one strobe light away from an E flashback
what's for breakfast?
Advil and throwup
dont try to nair your balls. i speak from experience
I need a horse. I don't think you can get a DUI on a living creature.
we made it to hole 3 and then just sat down on the fairway and finished off our case....cheered on other golfers as we let them play through.
Time for jim to play the "dont seriously consider pooping in the trash" game
Oh fuck, I messaged a Jack Kerouac poem to a girl I'm trying to sleep with last night at 4am.
Would it be irresponsible to use my tax refund for a boob job?
Yes. Highly encouraged though.
How long until you're healed?
Physically? A week or so. Emotionally? The scars of dislocating my knee at a frat and flashing my panties to the whole crowd wi never heal.
Jesus tap dancing Christ rock out with your cock out is supposed to be just an expression. And even if it weren't no one wants pics bro.
congratulations on joining the accidental bisexual club
Normal people find beers in their gym bag, right?
So some guy thought I took second place in a male stripper competition
I just saw a guy walking down the street without a shirt on and holding a samari sword....
His idea of hot sex is sticking his finger in my dark star while doing me Missionary style. You can tell he's from the Bible Belt.
Does he smell like BBQ?
Inside and out.
Randomize
