am i morally bankrupt?
no. its just the recession
We stole some shitttt from king sooper's. fuck yeaaa
what did you steal
frozen pizza, cat litter, and preperation H. not much different than my usual grocery list.
don't worry about the poodle she's always like that. she's like 14 years old and ate a bag of weed when she was a puppy.
He kept trying to order 'sex on the tennis courts' for a drink last night
After all the hair products he's stolen from me, he better fucking be gay.
I am now trying to reassure her that she doesn't have a wide-set vagina. So thanks, for whatever you said.
thats because you have standards... and i have a thing for guys that give me free drugs.
Also, I want you to know, that not only am I apparently the expert on sexting. Our bishop is consulting me later. So my talents are varied.
Sad fact: I'm doing that thing where I'm bored so I give myself Princess Leia hair and drink alcohol.
I'm gonna get drunk in the shower and yell at my parents during dinner. Have fun in Texas.
is it too much for me to say that i have a ziplock bag with ice in it in my underwear?
idk wtf was in that bud but I was talking to my dead dog last night bro holy shit
Holy Hangover.. I'm marrying whoever put this water by my bed
She took her panties off, then farted in my general direction. I guess we're at that stage in our relationship.
All I remember is the bartender saying your sucking them down and waking up on the floor in my underwear
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