dude i feel like shit
well u did eat a lot of play-doh
she's walking around the room telling people she can make the room move with her mind and then she shakes her head really fast yelling 'see?!'
she just announced that once she was paid to deep throat a light saber with a mint flavored condom on it. i'm speechless.
Thinking about fake proposing to my gf just so the middle aged women next to us will buy us drinks
note to self, drunkenly bedazzeling the silverware was a stupid fucking idea
I told him I would only take his calls if he was dead, dying, capturing a midget, or buying me shots.
I stand by my new policy.
Apparently he's into classy girls that wear sweaters and don't throw up on him when they go out.
No I just rolled on the floor giggling. I think that's the equivalent to a post sex victory dance.
Would nail polish remover take gorilla glue off my nipples? We had a strange night.
If there was a bread and water delivery truck id make sweet hungover love with it.
Why can't you just come over, fuck me, then leave so i can get stoned and watch law and order?
One of the worst parts about living at my parents again is trying to hide how often I'm hungover, just quietly puked in the basement bathroom while my mom got ready for work
I dunno what's worse, that one guy here said he'd blow somebody for Tim Horton's right now, or that someone else looks like they want to test his sincerity.
Come get me, I'm fucking scared.
You were in no condition to manage a 3-way.
Vodka, MiraLAX and Gatorade are perfect for the night before a colonoscopy
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