I haven't had sex in so long I'll probably find some stranger, feel guilty, go w/o sex for several months and do it all over again...always something to look forward to
I put the beer in my little red riding hood basket.
My mom's crying. That means it must be Christmas.
I'm paying a homeless guy $20 to follow me around bars tonight with a boombox playing the theme to Rocky.
She washed lettuce and peppers in the shower and proceeded to make a salad
Clearly he doesn't understand my need to be surrounded by cats at all times
okay, this game isn't funny anymore. tell us where all the forks are.
Watching tv. She's giving me head and she hates it when I watch her.
I'm functioning at the level of a challenged walrus.
Oh damn. God have mercy on everything w a dick in a ten mile radius.
He hasn't responded in 6 hours and the last thing he sent me was a picture of 7 grams of coke. I'm getting kinda worried
I really feel like I should slow down on the getting hammered. I told a bartender on "Taco Tuesday" that a $3 margarita was too expensive. And proceeded to have a $70 tab.
Two really nice girls helped clean the taco out of my hair.
I just spilled grey goose in my hair. You could say I keep it classy for the family Christmas parties.
I sent him a tit pic with the caption, "Mt. Arie and Mt. Hola are ready for expedition." Too nerdy?
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