Thanks for holding onto me so I didn't fall in my pee in that parking lot. You're the best boyfriend ever.
1. I feel like Jello 2. The girl i hooked up with last night isn't here and a different girl is lying next to me. 3. I have no clothes on 4. Can guys go on walks of shame?
once I found out that a naked stripper wasn't gonna pop out of the cake I kind of just lost interest in the party
First funeral I've ever been to where the cops had to come.
I might never shower again without beer.. I might also always drink naked
Just keep my face away from hard objects. And by that I do not mean erect penised.... those are totally fine. It's more just things like rocks, table edges, blunt objects, etc so I don't get another concussion.
Dude if it is ever said "everybody get inside the police helicopter just showed up.". That means it was a successful party.
Know what was probably a bad idea? Using white wine as a mixer for vodka.
Look on the bright side, one day you will get to tell your grandkids how grandpappy got roofied on his 21st and woke up in a for sale house missing his shoes
I miss you, too. It's hard to sleep without anything licking my head.
I don't know what you slipped me, but my TV is vomming blood right now. Thanks, jerkoff.
feeding cats lunchmeat on my kitchen floor. come pour me another shot.
His mom showed up at my doorstep, begging me to take him back for him
Where do you find these people?
yeah. i tried to refuse to leave unless the burger king himself escorted me out. that didnt fly
Ok, there are marshmallows shaped like elephants
Randomize
