can u get pink eye on your cock?
Sundays have taken on a whole new meaning when I'm not in bed with an excruciating hangover.
Their wedding is on my 21st birthday. I fail to see a way that this could end poorly.
Houston, we have a squirter
I had to brake up with him.
In my experience drinking helps.
You dont want to know why?
Not really. I want to drink.
Oh just chilling alone with a stranger baby while everyone else clambakes the bathroom. Probation is the reason there is bad things in the world.
Using the only finger i can move, i calculated body mass, intake and time. It's mathematically impossible for me to still have this hangover at 9pm. I passed out at 8pm last night. Fuck vodka.
I found out he put two potatoes in a jar because he wants to make his own vodka.
Where'd you go last night?
Don't EVER let me photobomb a group of lesbians again. They made me their "straight mascot" and I ended up singing Donna summer tunes for beers at their apartment complex.
I just got woken up by that guy wearing a Krispy Kreme hat giving out donuts
2016 shall be rememered as the year I sharted while putting up the Christmas tree.
At the bar in my pajamas again
Ummm that is the 3rd time this week and it is Wednesday
I'm ne vrr drinkjng againnnnnnnn dforeal.
I just woke up naked in a bed with your brother. WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED TO NOT LETTING EACH OTHER DO STUPID THINGS?
You fucked my brother?!
Chaz got drunk and passed out so we superglued a kazoo to his mouth. Listening to him Panic when he woke up was fucking hilarious.
Randomize
