Sarah, plain, and tall I adore you
i got excepted to unl lol
You mean "accepted".
I feel like tequila heightens the sense of my nipples.
im still trying to figure out who put the honey mustard in the blender then put the entire blender into the freezer
when you tell me you got me a birthday present, I have to assume it will show up in a drug test.
My Pizza Lunchables won't fit in the fridge because of all your alcohol. One of our addictions has to give.
He ate me out. IN THE MORNING. I love less attractive men.
He'd pee in it. And since it's PBR I'd have no idea
She's opening her family birthday cards at the bar. So we can pay our tab. Bitches wrote checks :(
I did not get laid last night bc my condoms were too small. I'm allowed to be dreary
So we were in bed when his brother walks in, walks over to me, fist bumps me and says he just wanted to say hi, then leaves...so random lmao
This summer has already been like the best summer ever. FREEDOM IS AWESOME. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND GOD BLESS THE SINGLE LIFE.
i woke up this morning put my hand under the pillow and there was a banana there
I love when my neighbors have passionate, loud sex to remind me that I'm not getting laid
I now know he's been cheating for a while. I also know HER name, address, phone number, Facebook account, religion and zodiac sign. I feel like I'm earning my restraining order. Point is, never fuck over a librarian.
Randomize