so you know how i got laid the other night? well a condom just came out of me and i dont know whether to be grossed out or happy
i am grossed the fuck out
Apparently last night I sat at the bar with an upside down sharpie lightning bolt on my forehead, yelling "It's Harry Potter's birthday! Let me be on the qudditch team!" And I kept calling the bartender Dobby. There are videos.
Braces and a neon one piece. She looks 15.
i'm in love
His pubic hair was longer than his dick
i dont know, i woke up and he was going down on me. i guess i can save his number
He is in the front yard trying to catch birds out of the air with a fishing net.
Fun new game when high: sorting socks. Took forever. Was awesome.
This guy keeps going off in the metal detector. When is it appropriate for me to punch him in the throat just in case?
It's truly amazing how much porn I can get in while my phones at 1% battery life.
when a dude sends me an unwanted dick pic I just send him a picture of a nicer one. A more photogenic one. A dick with a future.
He invited to drink but spelled forties wrong so no thx
Dont ask questions just say words. where can i find plan b?
She grabbed the other one and started playing tug-o-war against the blonde chick. I told you getting my nipples pierced was a good idea
I am a taco. I am also really high.
I've always seen you more as a chimichanga.
I am certain that you would be a mere freckle on the behemoth of slutty that has taken place at this complex.
Randomize
