so tomorrow. i'm thinking coinstar then adderall?
His pick-up line from last night: "I bet you cant climb these stairs right now." Needless to say.. it worked.
I thought if I stared at him long enough he'd walk me to my car. but he didn't. he dddidn't. i rreally thought i had those powers.
my bed looks and feels like i need to buy plan b.
Where can I buy a trophy for a Groupie Award?
She had sex with a merch guy. . . band guys make you groupies, Merch guys just means she's easy.
What happened to chicks over dicks?
That rule does not apply to 9 inch dicks..
I just walked past a woman in the bar stroking a mans crotch, yelling 'I made this. I made this happen.'
Thanks, college. Tonight's decisions brought to you by margs in a nalgene.
Remember that picture you sent me of you trying to eat the flower arrangement in the bathroom at that restaurant?
Yeah I figured you were blackout when you were Shakira dancing on the floor.
Just got kicked out of two hot tubs. We were naked the second time. So awkward getting out in front of the security guard.
They took my balls.
Remember the bouncer that knocked out Dave and Sam? Apparently his day job is a florist. Uppercut and fresh cut in one package.
Ryan friended me on LinkedIn and it took everything in my power not to endorse him for sexual dysfunction as a skill.
I literally have anal toys soaking in the bathroom sink and dinner on the stove. If that doesn't scream "domestic goddess", I don't know what the fuck does.
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