I'm so hungover that the internet is hard.
standing in line at subway, they've got 'stand up and get crunk' blaring. the lines out the door and everyone is dancing. Lombardi Gras rules.
after he came i started crying. just to fuck with his head.
This is ridiculous. It's like playing possible STD Clue, and I don't want to be the winner.
I definitely hasselhoffed a taco bell burrito on my kitchen floor in front of my dad and little brother.
We tried to break her futon, I crushed my balls instead. You have one less reason to be jealous that my balls are insanely huge and yours are not.
We're both great liars, in committed relationships, and horny. Its the perfect storm of cheating
So how was the sex with me last night?
No worse than usual.
Pain in my heart, regret in my vagina
how does someone with a Masters Degree leave poop in an ashtray in the sink? It just blows my mind
I just farted so loud someone came to check on me. Thought something fell in my office.
I was totally pumped and so was my beard
It is 5:00PM and I'm just now putting on underwear.
Said he wanted to wear me as a loincloth. Not sure if sexual or predatory
They left a cherry picker with the keys in it on a college campus, what else were we supposed to do?
Randomize
