OMFG I JUST SAW SOMEONE GIVING SOMEONE ELSE ROAD HEAD AND THEY HIT A POTHOLE. my day has been officially made.
we just made rock paper scissors into a drinking game
Found her laying down in a booth in iHop. She's a keeper.
There are babies in the room i shouldnt be high with babies in the room.
can I come stay the night
yeah, but no sex tonight
I'll stay home
I feel like I got hit by a truck. Or a baby dinosaur. One of them ran over my body and then stuck me in a blender of fire and storm clouds
He straight up just had me drive all the way here and when I got here he was drinking a cup of tea and right after said he needed to go to bed
He wouldn't let me leave his house until he made me orgasm once for every year I've been alive. The birthday sex song did not prepare me for this.
I GOOGLED IT. BEES CAN MASTURBATE. WHAT.
I'm not leaving my family to go to a strip club on good friday.
I may quit my job to go be a costumed Jedi at Disneyland.
So, if you eat too many protein bars, you will shit your pants. This I learnt today..... at work.
Shut the fuck up! I can hear you having sex over Pirates of the Caribbean you moaning whore.
I have two bottles of emergency tequila stashed under my desk at work.
A cop may or may not have seen my bare ass against the moonlight within the past hour
Randomize
