This girl is very crazy
She's one of those compassionate ppl
So everything I said on this seemingly endless date offended her
dude do u know what u did last night?
do i wanna know???
you totally walked in on some couple fuckin in their unlocked dorm room asking for directions to ur room...
I think I'm pregnant with his hipster baby. It keeps kicking my stomach to the beat of mgmt songs.
I'm on a cruise to the Bahamas and this text message is gunna cost me $10 but I need you to pray on my behalf for the things I'm about to do these 2 girls and what I did last night to a 35 year old mother of 3.
I remember your 21st ending with me driving you home while you insisted making bicycle signals out the car window.
Not going outside. I may melt into a puddle of wine
If the boyfriend of the drunk girl you just met asks her if she made a "special friend" you're going to have a threesome. For future reference.
He had a shameless baby voice when he was talking to my dog. There's no way I'm making it through the night with my clothes on.
You should kill a bro for me and drag his carcass home so I can study him.
Went to take a shower. Brought my wine, forgot my towel.
I gave three different guys a boner at the same time last night, and none of them are in the same city as I am. That's achievement.
They forgot my ranch. They're dead to me.
I just shook glitter of my birth control packet so I’d say it’s safe to say it was a good weekend
She tied me to her bed using her honor chords. Thank god for graduation!
It's done, I'm done, goodbye veneer of class and dignity it was nice knowing you
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